dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
