she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
