My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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