Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
