and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That's when you crack a 10am beer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
