Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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