Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
