I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
