I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
