Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
