Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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