wakey wakey hands off snakey
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
