member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
