When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
