I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
