This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Its about making memories worth repressing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
