You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
