I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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