i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
