i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
