I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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