I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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