why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
