I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
