I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
