I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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