he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
