Is it because I queefed?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
