Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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