I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
