I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize