just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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