Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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