When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
