I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Houston, we have a blender
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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