Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
