The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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