some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
