i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
