I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
