Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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