I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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