Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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