I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
