I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
