The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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