I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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