Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
