guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
