so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
