She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
