What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
