Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
