How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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