So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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