wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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