it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
