i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
