Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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