she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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