May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize