i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
