i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think people are normalizing furries
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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