we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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