its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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