I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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