Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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