i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
