honey bunches of taint.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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