conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
