yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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