look no pants
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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