so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
