i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize