All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
