Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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